It's not a one-size-fits-all...
If you wonder what would happen in coaching, these are two theoretical models to get you excited. The goal is not to overlay a preexisting model on your particular situation, but to use whatever tool we need to get you where you want to go.
A Possible Coaching Model
Some questions will produce immediate answers. Others will produce long silences. Both are productive. The goal isn't to generate a tidy action plan in the first session. The goal is to surface what is true — and to trust that clarity, once found, tends to produce its own momentum.
What can only I do? (Gifting)
Every person carries a unique set of abilities — things they do with uncommon ease and unusual effectiveness. This question surfaces that irreplaceable contribution. When you are doing what only you can do, the work is both sustainable and fruitful. Coaching begins here because clarity about gifting creates permission to focus.
What do I like to do? (Life-giving)
Gifting tells you what you're capable of. Desire tells you what you're built for. God wires his people not just with capacity but with affection — the activities that energize rather than drain. This question listens for that internal compass. Work done from this place tends to outlast work done purely from obligation.
What am I called to do? (Getting Out of Bed)
Calling is the intersection of the world's deep need and your deep gladness — the thing that gets you out of bed before the alarm. It's not a mystical whisper reserved for a few; it's the convergence of gifting, passion, and context that makes your contribution legible to others and meaningful to you. This question brings that convergence into focus.
What am I responsible for? (Going to Bed)
Responsibility names the actual commitments — the roles, relationships, and obligations you are answerable for today. It's what allows you to go to bed at night knowing the day mattered. This question grounds the coaching conversation in the real and the immediate.
What would I regret not doing? (Deathbed)
Nothing clarifies priorities like mortality. This question invites the perspective that only the long view provides — looking back from the end to name what actually mattered. Regret is a powerful diagnostic. The answer often exposes the gap between what we say we value and how we actually spend our days.
What would I like not to do? (Enchained To)
Most leaders carry tasks they've inherited, defaulted into, or never had the courage to hand off. These aren't necessarily bad things — they're simply not their things. This question creates permission to name what you are doing out of guilt, habit, or fear rather than calling.
What am I doing I don't have to? (Burden Carrying)
Beyond tasks that belong to others, there are burdens we carry that no one asked us to pick up. This question exposes the weight of self-imposed obligation — the martyr's load, the fixer's compulsion, the leader who can't let go. Naming it doesn't mean abandoning responsibility. It means learning the difference between a burden you were given and one you chose.
Another Possible Model for Coaching
The Destination: A mountaintop worth climbing toward
We name where you want to go — your telos, your end goal. We talk honestly about the fears and doubts you have about it. Hope isn't wishful thinking; it's a vision clear enough to navigate by.
Deep listening: Navigating through the fog together
Like two guides moving through thick terrain, I go ahead to chart the path while staying connected to your actual desires and goals. We build trust in small steps — and that trust becomes your competitive advantage.
Necessary work: Time alone to discern what's real
Some work only you can do. This is the season of asking: What rhythms do I need? What must I leave behind? Solitude isn't withdrawal — it's how you find out what's actually sustainable for your life and leadership.
Eyes open: Naming the obstacles honestly
Every path has minefields. We map them together — the hidden pitfalls, the real risks, the things that could derail the plan. Honesty here isn't discouraging; it's how courage gets built and crises get defused before they happen.
The other side: Living into your hopes and dreams
You emerge changed — not just with a better plan, but a better sense of who you are. This is where emotional intelligence matters most: knowing the pace you can sustain, the path that's right for you, and how to bring others with you.
Selah — rest at the center of everything
In the Psalms, Selah is a musical pause — a moment to let the words sink in. In this model, rest isn’t a reward at the end. It’s the pivot point between every stage. Before we move on, we stop. We ask: Where do you want to go next? Who do you want to be? What are you feeling right now? Rest is how real change gets integrated — and why this model produces lasting results instead of short-term wins.
